Our Time-Out Rules

Time-out. That’s a common word around here. Frankly, with a toddler, it’s just the law of the land. I had no idea how to approach “Time-out” when I first started, so after reading up, asking friends and testing out several approaches we finally settled on something that works for us. These are our Time-Out Rues (And please know that it works most of the time…but man oh man, there are days when it all comes crashing down. But all in all, it works).

In preparation for time-outs, you should do two things:

Set your ground rules and have everyone in the house agree and follow them. This includes parents, grandparents, nanny, etc. Once those are set, you have to absolutely stand by them, no exceptions. Example: No jumping on the couch, no hitting, no touching the tv, etc…
Designate a time-out spot. Preferably one where there is no entertainment of any kind. You must be able to supervise too, so don’t make it too secluded. A wall or a corner works just fine. And remember, time-outs exist everywhere, you just have to use your imagination. (ie playground, someone else’s home, etc).

When you catch your child misbehaving, give them a WARNING first. One that they can understand. Most times I get down to his level and say “Hey, you know you can’t jump on the couch. If you do it one more time, you will go to time-out”. This gives them a chance to correct their behavior.

If they do it again… it’s time for time-out. No second chances. Be firm.Tell your child they need to go to time-out and explain why. Don’t elaborate. They are children so no need for a wordy explanation. “You know you can’t jump on the couch” is just fine.

1. Set the timer. Rule of thumb is 1 minute per every year old. If your child can see the timer with a countdown, even better. I use the timer on my phone and prop it where my kid can see it. He is NOT allowed to touch it.
2. Once the timer starts, he/she must stay in time-out until the timer ends. Sitting or standing is fine with me as long as he stays in the time-out corner.
3. Once time’s up, go to your child peacefully and kneel so as to be at their eye level, and repeat the reason why he’s in time out. Explaining the consequences is key, and asking him to apologize is important. If you can get him to fill in the blanks, even better. That’s for the older kids that can communicate. It goes something like this: “Alfie, you know you can’t jump on the couch because you can get hurt or hurt someone else. What do you say? I’m sorry, mama”. Even though the offense is not directly affecting me, Saying ‘I’m sorry’ helps him understand that someone’s feelings were hurt. It’s all about showing compassion.
4. Lastly, tell them you love them and thank them for listening and behaving well.

That sounds nice, doesn’t it? Well, it doesn’t always go as smoothly and lovely as above… So here are some extra tips that go hand in hand with time-outs around here:

I suggest to NOT talk to your child when they’re in time-out. They will attempt to negotiate or get your attention by asking for things. Don’t respond. No attention should be given to them. Also, we don’t allow any toys, blankies or anything at all.

If your child gets out of time-out, give them ONE warning and tell them that you will start the timer again if they dont listen. This is why a visible timer/countdown is great. It’s easier for the little ones to grasp. If they get out again, restart the timer.

Then there are some tricky situations…

If Alfie resists going to time-out… I carry him and sit with him. Yes, this requires extra strength and a firm attitude. I hold him down in a sitting position if need be (without hurting him) and I do not speak. He’s usually crying if we’re at this point. Sometimes he’ll calm down and sometimes he doesn’t. Oh well. Then, once the timer is done, go to step #4.

If he doesn’t calm down and he’s hitting me or being very aggressive I will threaten him with a cold shower. I had to do this once and thankfully, haven’t had to do it again. Hopefully he learned his lesson. Oh and if you’re wondering about the cold shower… Just put him in the tub clothes and all, and turn on the shower for a few seconds. Ay ay ay.

The other tricky situation: Don’t give the timeout alternative when your child needs to physically be elsewhere or needs to be doing something else (ie. be in bed or the bathtub or needs to eat). Why? Because if he’s resisting nap time and you offer “nap time or time-out” time-out is giving them an exit from the nap. So, in this case, you need to get creative and do something else, like remove a privilege.

I would love to know, how do you do time-out? Was this guide helpful? What would you do differently?

Thanks for reading!